How well do you know your Teenager?

If you happen to be a parent who can claim to know everything about your tween or teen you would certainly be in a minority and by the way, congratulations!  The vast majority of us live in a “my world/your world” situation accentuated by slamming doors, grunts, rolling eyes,  “you are so embarrassing” and little in between which merely keeps us guessing and jumping to conclusions – often the wrong ones! 

As they mould their identities, the world of teenagers’ changes almost daily and it is a task to keep up with their motivations, dreams and concerns.  What they loved yesterday they hate today and vice versa.  They follow fashion, trends, celebrities, music, and the “cool” kids in their peer group.  Parents are not invited into that world often because “we would not understand” and in most cases that is right, we don’t.  “Turn that awful music down”, “Where do you think you are going looking like that?”, “You are hanging with the wrong people”, “how can you possibly think that?”,  are the kinds of things that so easily slip off the tongue when we don’t agree with their choices, but such utterances only serve to drive a wedge in the relationship between teen and parent and sabotage their sense of belonging.

Over the years I have kept abreast of much of the advice delved out to parents who want to get to know their child better.  You’ll find quizzes all over the internet on the subject, which suggest if you can answer the following kinds of questions with confidence you are doing a great job with any question marks providing the clues to where you are not up-to-date and could focus harder!!

Are you a parent suffering ‘Tetchy Teen Syndrome?’

Up until relatively recently it was widely assumed that the vast majority of brain development happened in the first few years of life. Now, however, with the development of brain imaging technology which can track changing structure and functioning of the brain, neuro-scientists have discovered significant developmental changes in the brains of adolescents which are distinct from hormonal changes occurring during puberty.

Not totally their fault!
So if you have ever found yourself joining the possy of folks who demonise teenagers for their inability to behave like “grown-ups” be aware that there is now clear evidence to suggest they can’t actually help it – and that is most likely what makes them tetchy.

Nurture the Nature of it

According to the research conducted by Sarah Jayne Blakemore, see:

There are two parts of the brain in particular have been identified as being significantly different in adults and children to adolescents. The first is the prefrontal cortex, which is the part responsible for decision making, planning, inhibiting inappropriate behaviour, social interaction and self awareness.