Want to change? Then learn to focus differently

When the spotlight of our thoughts is on the negative aspects of our life, rather than the positive, the energy builds there and can cause bad feelings which have a habit of over shadowing a lot of the good stuff in life.  

For sure, everyone has issues they would rather not have. Not enough money to do x, not  enough time to do y, not enough stamina, not enough confidence, not enough or the right friends, not enough motivation, and the list (which is different for everyone) goes on.

Our tendency, to focus on the problem keeps us there, and the longer we stay there the bigger the problem becomes, and ultimately it becomes part of us. Unless of course we consciously decide to move forward, move the spotlight around to see what else is ‘out there’ including the solutions to our problems, new awareness and learning.

Easier said than done? Absolutely! Learning to think by default in a more positive light is something that takes practice, particularly for those who have learned in an overly cautious or pessimistic environment.There is plenty of research to suggest we are naturally predisposed to think of the things that can go wrong for us rather than what could go right and the emotions associated with negativity and fear are stronger, therefore more impactful and more restricting. The good news is that positivity can become a natural state of mind. Positive thinking does not prevent issues arising, it is just a really great coping skill that allows us the freedom to explore our world for solutions and develop more flexibility.  With that also comes resilience and resourcefulness. With that can come more happiness, confidence and success.

If you feel you would benefit from developing a more positive attitude, how about doing this little exercise as a starting point.

MY GOAL IS TO DO/BE/ACHIEVE ......................................

What I have What I like about myself Things I do well Things I have control over

What I don’t have What I don’t like about myself Things I don’t do well Things I can’t control

To find out whether your thinking is weighted towards negativity, try writing lists under each of the above statements on both sides. Be realistic and work within context of what you want (Goal) in any particular area of life rather than what you don’t want.

OK, so that’s all for now. Next week I will be taking you through to the next phase of developing that positive muscle. Go to www.teenacity.ie and complete the contact form if you wish to be kept abreast of next stages.

Parents: Do you have a teenager who is stuck in a rut?

Give the gift of a 1:1 Coaching Programme to help them move forward

1 hour Trial Session only €25 … save €50! 

Contact us via www.teenacity.ie  

Coaching is not therapy. Coaching is not counseling.  Coaching does not offer advice. Coaching is a confidential, respectful, non-judgmental and professional interaction that enables clients to dig deeper for the solutions within them.   

Through artful communication, active listening and reflection the coach’s role is to help identify the behaviours and beliefs that are keeping them stuck and help them find the resources within to move any limiting blocks in thinking.  Professional Coaches are facilitators of change towards a client’s agenda or goals however big or small.  

While Coaching is geared to achieve specific outcomes, it also provides a positive template for self-reflection and a lot of personal learning, which is very enriching and empowering going forward.

How well do you know your Teenager?

If you happen to be a parent who can claim to know everything about your tween or teen you would certainly be in a minority and by the way, congratulations!  The vast majority of us live in a “my world/your world” situation accentuated by slamming doors, grunts, rolling eyes,  “you are so embarrassing” and little in between which merely keeps us guessing and jumping to conclusions – often the wrong ones! 

As they mould their identities, the world of teenagers’ changes almost daily and it is a task to keep up with their motivations, dreams and concerns.  What they loved yesterday they hate today and vice versa.  They follow fashion, trends, celebrities, music, and the “cool” kids in their peer group.  Parents are not invited into that world often because “we would not understand” and in most cases that is right, we don’t.  “Turn that awful music down”, “Where do you think you are going looking like that?”, “You are hanging with the wrong people”, “how can you possibly think that?”,  are the kinds of things that so easily slip off the tongue when we don’t agree with their choices, but such utterances only serve to drive a wedge in the relationship between teen and parent and sabotage their sense of belonging.

Over the years I have kept abreast of much of the advice delved out to parents who want to get to know their child better.  You’ll find quizzes all over the internet on the subject, which suggest if you can answer the following kinds of questions with confidence you are doing a great job with any question marks providing the clues to where you are not up-to-date and could focus harder!!